


Breaking the Cycle

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Post-The Edge of Darkness [9]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Author loves to chat in the Comments, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Not Anakin Friendly, Not portrayed in a good light, Past Domestic Violence, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, or debate, rantfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 14:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12889926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Set in my To The Living and the Dead verse. In which Ben re-examines what his grandfather did to his grandmother.





	Breaking the Cycle

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: This was inspired by how a lot of people in the Star Wars fandom hold Anakin Skywalker up to be this saint who can do no wrong (which has really made me hate Anakin, no denying) while bashing Kylo Ren, never mind that he committed domestic violence on his own wife and committed genocide twice. Among other things. It just bugged me enough to write about it. Just thought I’d get it off my chest. And I guess it’s also a condemnation of my younger self as well, for not seeing things for what they were.

When Ben, as Kylo Ren, had seen the holovid of his grandfather choking his grandmother, he had blamed Obi-Wan. 

It had seemed logical. If Obi-Wan had not stowed away aboard that ship, then Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader) wouldn’t have done what he did. Snoke had been more impressed with how exactly Vader had survived his injuries, calling him “worthy of a Milaran warrior”.

Now, rewatching the holovid, taking in his grandfather’s angry, almost petulant accusations of his grandmother bringing Obi-Wan here to kill him, Ben wasn’t sure if a Milaran warrior would have treated their own spouse like that. No one should, at least. 

Ben swallowed even as he looked at the holovid, as his grandfather choked his grandmother. “Artoo,” he said, “Turn it off.”

Artoo did. Ben rubbed his temples, already feeling bile rising in his throat. “He...” He swallowed back more bile. “He _abused_ her.” It was almost like a terrible truth that was finally breaking free. "I mean, just because he was using the Force doesn’t make it any...any less. Right?”

Artoo dwooed sadly, wheeling up next to Ben and letting Ben pat his dome. And in the midst of it, Ben could still remember how he had tortured Poe. Used their bond as a weapon, all but shoved his way into Poe’s mind as if it had been no problem at all (though it had been a big problem. Kylo Ren had done this before, but never to anyone he knew before Poe and his cousin. Never anyone he loved), and —

Stars, was he no better than his grandfather?

He could still remember what his mother had said during their argument about Ben and Poe getting engaged. How she accused him of being like Vader, in every way. 

What if she was right? Like Vader was just hiding underneath his skin, ready to come out...

And what he had done to Poe, had that effectively been his Mustafar? Hurting someone he loved? 

Even thinking about it was enough to make a knot form in Ben’s stomach. 

***

”...and he choked her. She...” Ben wet his lips. “She was pregnant, and he choked her.”

Doctor Moore’s face was solemn. “That’s abuse. It’s horrific that he did that to her.”

”Yes.” Ben sighed. “She died later. Artoo said that she died of a broken heart, but I don’t think it’s a stretch to think that my grandfather basically murdered her.”

”That’s...quite a story, Ben. And a horrifying one.” A pause. “How widespread was abuse in your family?”

”Well,” Ben said, “My grandfather was a slave. I know that much. Aside from that, there was no abuse in my family. My parents had their issues, but they never would have hurt each other. Not intentionally.”

”I see.” 

"The truth is...” Ben rubbed his temples. “I know that I did something similar. When I tortured Poe. Even the fact that I hated doing it doesn’t make any difference, does it?”

”What does make a difference is that you’re being accountable about it. It doesn’t diminish what you’ve done, but it’s no easy feat to be accountable. I know I very rarely have those who’ve committed wrongs against their spouses come in to therapy."

”Mine was court-ordered.”

”But you’ve been a very dedicated client.”

Ben swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt my husband. Not again. Once was bad enough.”

"I know.”

Silence fell. Then Ben said, “I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to hurt Shara. That was another thing — my grandmother was pregnant when my grandfather strangled her. How can anyone — I mean, children are just so fragile. He killed the younglings; I couldn’t do it. I killed the man killing the younglings. Ran him through.” He was aware he was rambling now. He didn’t care. "Younglings are just so...innocent.”

”They are, Ben.” Doctor Moore sighed. “I don’t know what the motivation behind your grandfather’s actions was, but you can break this cycle. You’re doing it right now, with Shara. And that’s remarkable.”

”That’s...” Ben swallowed. “I hope I can keep doing that then.”

It was heading home that Poe greeted him. “I just put Shara down for a nap,” he said. “You okay?”

”Tired,” Ben said. _And I don’t know how you can look at me. “_ Long session.” A beat. “Poe...I don’t want to be anything like my grandfather.”

”You won’t be. Not anymore.” Poe hugged him. “Believe me."

Ben smiled weakly. “I hope so.”

And even heading to bed, Ben promised himself that no matter what happened, he would never do anything to hurt Poe or Shara. Two beings that were indescribably precious to him, wonderful, who he’d do anything for. Two beings who meant the galaxy to him. 

And for them, he’d do anything. 


End file.
